A Little Life
by em j
Summary: One day Sara's life is changed forever. But she is determined to keep her anguish inside. Will anyone discover the secret she's hiding before it's too late? GSR.
1. Prologue

It's taken me long enough, but at last here is another story! It is not a sequel to 'These Four Walls', but I hope you enjoy it all the same. As always, please review - it always makes me feel a little better! Excuse the very short prologue - I promise the following chapters are much longer!

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She scrambled through the undergrowth. Each step brought with it a fresh scratch on her bare legs but she ignored the pain and the trickle of blood. Silent tears ran down her cheeks, and they had to be just that: silent. She feared that should any sound leave her mouth it could lead him to her all over again, although rationality would have told her he was long gone in the opposite direction. Eventually she stumbled out of the trees onto a deserted road. Excruciating pain searing through her bloodied legs, she allowed herself to fall to the ground, sobs wracking her fragile body. She stayed there for some time, until the distant lights of an approaching car jolted her back to reality. Hurriedly she clambered to her feet, wiping tears from her eyes, and jumped behind the nearest tree until she was sure the vehicle had passed. For most people in her situation the late-night travellers would have appeared as blessed salvation. But not for her. She was different. In the past hour her life had been torn to shreds, irreversibly altered, and she felt she could be certain of nothing, not even the ground beneath her shredded feet. But there was one thing she knew: she would do whatever it took to make sure no one ever found out about this. She may not feel it at that moment, but she could be strong. No one would ever know.


	2. Chapter One

_Thanks to all for the reviews - always nice to know that people are reading! I apologise once again for the shortness of the prologue, but I really felt it should be posted alone for dramatic impact- it just didn't fit as part of the main story. Anyway, here's chapter one, and it's a bit longer- I hope that is more to everyone's liking! I do also have to add that I know that this part seems slightly more Nick/Sara-centric rather than GSR. However, I promise this story is a Grissom/Sara pairing - just be patient! _

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"Where the hell is she?"

"I'm sure she'll be here."

"I paged her over an hour ago."

"What's the urgency?" Nick shrugged, carefully removing a cigarette stub from the ground and placing it in an evidence bag. "It's not as if this guy's going anywhere."

"He's certainly not if I have anything to do with it." A voice interrupted the conversation. "Sorry I'm late."

"Late?" Grissom grumbled. "I was beginning to wonder whether you'd be here before the body was fully decomposed." A faint trace of a smile graced his lips, but he appeared to be the only one to appreciate his attempt at humour.

"Well, I'm here now. So what've we got, boys?"

The lack of reception to his 'joke' and the fact that Sara appeared to be completely oblivious to the fact that he and Nick had been waiting for her for more than 30 minutes, did not help improve Grissom's mood. "Male, aged between thirty and forty. Cause of death blow to the head, caused by a blunt object. First estimate, he's been dead about 12 hours." His words succeeded in sounding about as interesting as watching paint dry, and Sara barely stayed focused on what he was saying. She crouched down to have a closer look. The scowl on Grissom's face looked ominous and upon spotting it Nick felt he better try and break the ice before he had another DB on his hands.

"We've only really had a quick look around," he began, gesturing to the dank alleyway they were standing in, which though lit by numerous lamps still managed to appear dark. "I began some evidence gathering but it looks like we could be here a while. This guy could have chosen somewhere a bit cleaner to conk out."

"Who found him?"

"A Mr Elvis Presley." Sara looked up questioningly. "A guy who shared the streets with out vic here. He wasn't interested in having a conversation with us – cops don't figure on his list of best friends. That was the best we could coax out of him. But he's back at the station as we speak and no doubt Brass will get some more info."

"Let's hope so." Sara stood up, and as she did so she winced as pain shot through her left leg. She silently cursed herself and hoped no one had noticed. A glance round to Grissom confirmed there were no worries there. His arms were crossed and his eyes focused firmly on the ground, in the stance of a petulant child. However, the concern in Nick's eyes as she locked gazes with him revealed he was far more observant. He opened his mouth to query but Sara got there first.

"Well, until Mr Presley gives us some more to be getting on with we better start cleaning up here." And with that she turned her back on Nick and headed into the farthest corner of the alleyway, leaving him with no choice but to get on with the job in hand.

* * *

"My God, what a shift," sighed Warrick as he, Nick and Sara assembled outside the lab the next morning.

"It was tough for you too, huh?" questioned Nick. "What you get?"

"Don't even go there. Fancy a drink?"

"I better get back," Catherine sighed. "Much as I'd love to, Lindsey's waiting. I'll see you guys later?"

"Sure. Have a nice day."

"As long as I get some sleep," she laughed, and with that was gone.

"Looks like it's just the three of us then," Nick announced, placing an arm around each of his friends. But Sara immediately recoiled from his touch as though she'd been burnt. "Hey?" Nick questioned. "What's up?"

"Nothing – I – I just think I need some sleep, that's all. Another time maybe?" But she did not wait long enough to receive a reply to her question. Quick as a flash she had retreated into her car and driven off, leaving two confused men in her wake.

* * *

By the time she had reached her apartment Sara's left leg had begun to hurt so much an amputation was beginning to seem the most appealing option. She rolled her trouser leg up to find that the biggest and deepest cut had now begun to ooze pus and was turning a worrying shade of yellow. She had no doubt it was infected. She was going to have to do something. Twice today she had acted strangely around Nick; if she wasn't careful he would start asking questions. And if her leg got much worse then it was going to become obvious that something was wrong. There were a million other explanations for a series of nasty cuts on her legs, other than the truth, but she would rather not have to use any excuse at all.

She limped through to her bathroom and removed a bottle of TCP and some cotton wool form the medicine cabinet. One last try before she resorted to a doctor. She sat herself down on the sofa, poured some TCP on to the cotton wool and dabbed it on her leg. The stinging brought tears to her eyes but she went on methodically, covering the whole wound. She was so focused on the task in hand that she barely heard the telephone ring. It was only when it clicked on to her answer phone message that she registered the sound.

"Sorry I can't take your call at present but if you leave a message after the tone I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

Her in simpler times.

"Sara? It's Nick." A pause, as though he expected her to pick up now she knew who was calling. "I, erm, guess you're not in. Or maybe you're asleep. You did say you were tired. In which case I've probably woken you. Sorry."

The briefest of smiles appeared on Sara's lips. Trust Nick. He was probably her closest friend, yet he was still incapable of leaving her an answer phone message without nervous rambling.

"I just wanted to see if you were ok. You went off in quite a hurry this morning. I'm sure it's nothing but I just wanted to check. But you're not in. So…I hope you're ok. Call me. Or not. Whatever you want. I'll see you later, I suppose."

As he hung up Sara felt more tears prick at the back of her eyes. But these had nothing to do with the TCP. At that moment she had such an urge to call him back and tell him everything. But she couldn't. She had never believed in all that 'a problem shared is a problem halved' stuff. The only way she could get through this was to keep it to herself. Compress it. Shove it inside her, to a part of her where it could never escape. That was the only way she could cope.

So why wasn't time healing? Why did she feel worse by the minute? Why did she feel such a need to tell someone?

She soaked a piece of cotton wool and pressed it hard on to her leg. The pain was excruciating but it gave her something else to focus on.

One day at a time. Just one day at a time.


	3. Chapter Two

_As usual, thanks for all the reviews, they're lovely to read! Enjoy... ( I hope!) _

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Grissom lay in bed staring upwards, counting the lines in the wood panelled ceiling above him. Counting the rings in a tree trunk could tell you how old it was, but he doubted the same was true of the planks that had been used in his home. Not least because they were synthetic. But it beat counting sheep.

He sighed and rolled over, burying his head so deeply in the pillow he could hardly breathe. At least it blocked the light. He had tried every kind of curtain he could find but none seemed thick enough to rid his bedroom of the midday sunlight he had to sleep in spite of. You'd think there were enough people who worked night shifts for someone to make curtains for them. There was a gap in the market there. Maybe one day, when he had more time outside of work, he'd do something about it himself.

That day seemed far too far away right now. For the moment there were far too many bodies to be dealt with in Las Vegas for Gilbert Grissom to give up his day (or should that be night) job. There had been a time when he hadn't wanted to. When even on the darkest day there had been that one face that had brightened his spirits. Yet now even she seemed to be fading.

Sara Sidle. That fascinating, enchanting creature. They both knew there had been ulterior motives for his asking her to join the team in Las Vegas. Their relationship had been complicated. There were unresolved feelings there. He had treated her badly, he knew, when she had made attempts to bridge the emotional gap between them. But no matter what he did, how he treated her, she had always been there in the end, the one person he could always rely on. He cared for her and she cared for him, even if they didn't say it aloud.

But now – now it were as though she had given up. He couldn't blame her. How long did he expect her to hang on whilst he refused to acknowledge they were anything but friends? There was no one responsible except him. But it still hurt.

And today when she had turned up late she had barely acknowledged him. Which had only annoyed him further and made him act like a moody teenager. And now here he was lying in bed reliving events over and over again; imagining how he could have played it differently. It really was like a teenage relationship.

He rolled over again, screwed his eyes shut and tried to sleep. Maybe the sheep would have to do.

* * *

"Two nights in a row – do you think she's ok?"

Grissom shrugged, determined to keep his cool unlike yesterday. "I'm sure she'll be here. It's only-" he glanced at his watch. "Ok, so it's been an hour. Maybe we should call her again."

Nick got out his mobile and dialled. "No. It's going to voicemail."

"Maybe we should get going without her." As much as it hurt, Grissom acknowledged the fact that his interests in Sara had to be purely professional. Whatever her reasons for not turning up, he would have to wait to hear them.

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"There's something odd going on. She's been acting strangely recently."

"Really?" Another blow. He had been so wrapped up in his own moping recently he had barely noticed anything but the fact Sara was treating him differently. "How?"

"Just – she's not been herself."

"So what do you propose we do?"

"I think we should go round to her apartment."

"Is that wise? Sara wouldn't take kindly to meddling."

"And if she's not ok?"

"Fine." Grissom was persuaded.

Less than thirty minutes later they were knocking on Sara's apartment door for the third time.

"Look, Nick, she's not in."

"She's not here, but she's not at work? So what's going on?"

"I don't know. But I do know we have to leave it to Sara to tell us."

"Yeah, I guess." Nick turned away, but a moment later turned back again. "No, I can't do it." He drew a set of keys from his pocket and shuffled through them before settling on one and opening the door.

"Nick! What the hell are you doing?"

"Sara gave me the spare key. For emergencies. And I judge this to be an emergency."

"How exactly did you come to that conclusion?"

But Grissom got no reply. Nick had already headed into the apartment. Sighing, he followed, shutting the door behind him. Sara was nowhere to be seen.

"Look Nick, she's not here. So we should go."

Nick looked defeated. "I suppose so."

Just then the phone in the apartment began to ring. Both men turned to look, unsure of how to react. After only one ring it clicked on to answer phone. Feeling as though they were completely invading Sara's privacy, yet somehow unable to move, the two men listened to the message that followed.

"Ms Sidle, this is Annette Lawler, Doctor Baker's secretary. I'm just calling to let you know that you left your purse here. I know you've only just left but we didn't want you to worry. We'll keep it here, just pop round to collect it when you have a moment."

"The doctor's?" Nick queried. "What was Sara doing at the doctor's?"

"Why don't you ask me that question to my face?"

Nick and Grissom spun round to see Sara standing in the doorway. Her face was red with anger.

"On second thoughts why don't you answer my question first? Like what the hell do you think you're doing in my apartment!"

Nick glanced at Grissom, but words seemed to be failing him. "I-I mean we-we were worried," Nick eventually stammered, unable to look a furious Sara in the eye.

"Worried? Because I didn't turn up to work on one day?"

"You have to admit it's unlike you."

Sara did not look about to admit anything. "If you'd bothered to check, you would have discovered that I called the lab to say I wouldn't be in today. And anyway, since when did common concern give you the right to break into my apartment!"

"We didn't break in. I used the spare key."

"That was for emergencies, Nick!"

"For all we knew, this was an emergency!"

"Oh, come on. I was an hour late for work."

"An hour and a half actually," Grissom cut in, with his first words since Sara's entry. She did not look impressed.

"Well, now you've seen that I'm not in dire need of rescuing, perhaps you could leave. Next time I want a day off, I'll make sure I contact you each personally. Ok?"

"Sara, please." Nick approached her, distressed by the bitterness in her voice. He had never seen her this angry; this full of hatred.

"Get out." She marched to the front door and held it open for them, leaving them with no option but to do what she said.

It was only once they were half way down the stairs that they realised they still didn't know why Sara had been at the doctor's.

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The minute she had slammed the door behind them, Sara felt the tears run down her cheeks. The pain of her leg, now treated and bandaged by the doctor, paled into insignificance when compared to the betrayal she now felt. They had no right to come into her home; to invade her personal space. Especially now, now when-

When what? She asked herself. They knew nothing. To them life was still the same as it had been last week. They were oblivious to the ruins that Sara's life was in.

But they still had no right to barge in like that. She felt the anger take over again as her tears subsided. And she was all too well aware that she hadn't answered their question.

She sat down slowly. Realisation was beginning to dawn on her. She couldn't go on like this. Today was just the start. Ok, so there were a million excuses she could make for a trip to the doctor. But what about when her own lies tripped her up? When she had a bad day? When one day, in an awful, heartfelt moment, she confessed exactly what had happened? Being around friends was too dangerous. If she let someone too close then it was only a matter of time before the truth slipped out. And once that had happened there was no turning back No pretending it hadn't happened. She would have to face up to it. And she couldn't cope with that. There was no way she could let that happen. And there was only one way she could stop it. She had to leave.


	4. Chapter Three

_Thanks again for all the reviews. Sorry for a slightly longer gap between parts than usual but hey, that's what school does to you. Only 3 days back and I'm loaded with homework and I've already received my first AS Level examination entry sheet... oh the fun.. at least I can escape to writing!_

_Enjoy_

_Em xxx _

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The car journey that Nick and Grissom made after leaving Sara's apartment was completely silent. Nick focused on driving, determined not to let his mind wander. Grissom wished he could do the same. But he couldn't get the image of Sara's face out of his head. She had looked so angry; so unforgiving. As though they had committed some unspeakable act rather than just let their imaginations run wild. Of course he could see the fault in their actions but really their biggest mistake had been too much concern. Yet Sara's reaction – he had not seen anything like it aside from the occasions when personal feelings had got the better of her and she had blown up at suspects. She had been as angry with them as she had been in the past with murderers and rapists. Anyone observing the scene just passed would never have guessed the previous closeness between Sara and her colleagues.

And boy did that hurt.

* * *

The shift passed slower than ever. Nick and Grissom did not mention the events of the evening and responded to questions regarding Sara simply with 'she's feeling a little under the weather.' The day passed equally slowly. Grissom failed to sleep, giving up at the 121st sheep, and it was with a terrible weariness that he headed to work again, less than 24 hours after the confrontation with Sara.

With a sigh he stepped into his office and sat down at the desk before beginning to sort through a mountain of paperwork, which seemed much taller and far harder to conquer than usual, with a remarkable lack of enthusiasm. A letter caught his eye. Marked 'fao Gilbert Grissom' it was neither stamped nor addressed, implying it must have been hand delivered. Intrigued yet still lacking the energy to deal with any mail he placed it aside, ready to open the minute he could muster any energy. He briefly checked his emails before leaving his office to make the cup of coffee he so desperately needed. Upon reaching the coffee machine he met Catherine, Nick, Warrick and Greg, all standing in a huddle and talking in hushed tones.

"Now there's an interesting take on gossiping around the water cooler," Grissom joked. By his standards the level of humour was raised but the comment, lacking any energy or enthusiasm, failed to raise a smile. The stares he attracted, however, gave Grissom no doubt as to what they were talking about. "Nick told you then."

"Huh?" Greg murmured, seemingly in a state of shock.

"About yesterday. Look, I know it was stupid but-"

Nick interrupted. "Have you checked your mail this morning?"

"Briefly. Why?"

Nick stepped forward and handed Grissom an envelope marked with the words, 'The Team'. It was Sara's handwriting. "I found this in my locker when I arrived."

With a deep breath Grissom opened it.

_Dear all,_

_I've sent Grissom a formal resignation, but I couldn't go without leaving you something. I know this must seem sudden, but I have to leave. I can't tell you exactly why – it's complicated. But I want you all to know that it's nothing to do with you. It has been joy to work with such a dedicated and compassionate team over the last few years and I will miss you all more than you can imagine. My time in Las Vegas has been some of the happiest of my life, even if I haven't always said so. Maybe one day I'll be back, but I don't want you to dwell on my departure. All I wish is that you keep working as well as you always do. Keep catching those baddies!_

_With all my love,_

_Sara_

Grissom read the letter in silence. Then reread it, again and again. He looked up at the on-looking team. Their faces displayed the feelings he had inside. An air of shocked disbelief and melancholy hung over them all. Silently he turned away from them and left the room, feeling their gazes on his back. He entered his office and picked up the letter he had placed aside earlier. Hands shaking, he tore it open. Inside was Sara's resignation.

"NICK!" His voice, close to cracking, echoed throughout the building. Within seconds the whole team had gathered in the doorway to his office. He turned to them, holding out the letter as though it held the explanation for everything. "Where is that key?"

"Key?"

"The key to Sara's apartment."

"You heard what she said yesterday. Emergencies only."

"If this isn't an emergency, Nick, I don't know what is."

"I don't know, Griss."

"I'll go alone if I have to. I just need that key."

Nick turned to Warrick and Greg. They shrugged, bewildered. Then he turned to Catherine. With a sigh, she spoke. "You're serious, aren't you Gil."

"Never been more serious in my life."

"Then there's not much we can do."

Nick dug a hand into his pocket and brought out the keys. Painstakingly slowly he removed one from the keyring and placed it in Grissom's hand. With quiet thanks, Grissom made a dash out of the door. And if he wasn't mistaken there were faint smiles on all their faces as the team watched him go.

* * *

As Sara took one last look around her apartment, she felt as though her heart might be torn to pieces. She had never expected it to be this difficult; for there to be all these memories. And moreover she was leaving the one place which had ever made her happy. It had been a struggle departing the lab for the very last time earlier that day. She had chosen a moment when she had been sure not one member of the team would be around. Personal goodbyes were not her forte. A letter would have to do. But then it had still not felt real. It was like a dream. The day had passed her by without any sense of reality. She had packed a suitcase; made some arrangements for transport and accommodation. And all the time she had been floating in a state of limbo.

And now here she was: standing in the doorway. Her suitcase was in the car packed with the bare necessities: clothes, toiletries, personal documents, a few photos. She had cleaned and tidied her apartment. She would make more long term arrangements when she was settled, far away from here. Far away from her work…far away from her friends…far away from everything which was familiar to her-

She stopped herself mid thought, harshly wiping a tear from her eye. She could not allow herself to think like that. What she was doing was strictly necessary. There was no time for dwelling. In one swift movement she turned off the light and closed the door, turning the key in the lock for one last time. She hurried down the stairs and into her car, not once allowing herself to look back. Her chest was tight with the effort of holding back her emotion. As quickly as images of what she was leaving behind appeared in her head she banished them to the back of her mind. No doubt they would reappear eventually, but for now she couldn't cope with them.

Drawing up to some traffic lights she switched on the radio. Far too cheerful DJs babbled on about the upcoming evening in Las Vegas; music with a heavy bass hurt her head; adverts tried to persuade her to buy a new bed. Before the lights had even turned green she switched it off again.

She focused hard on the road ahead of her. All of a sudden a green Mercedes pulled out from the side of the road. Sara slammed on the brakes, throwing herself forward in her seat. "IDIOT!" She slammed her hand down on the horn, feeling blood surge through her body. As the Merc turned right at the next junction she slammed her foot onto the accelerator. She could feel a migraine coming on. She would never have guessed that emotional turmoil could cause such physical torment. She screwed her eyes shut to try and rid her head of the flashing lights which were causing her such pain, and opened them just in time to see the brake lights of the car in front as she slammed straight into the back of it.


	5. Chapter Four

_Sorry for a bit of a wait, folks..._

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The brakes screeched as Grissom pulled up outside Sara's apartment complex. He rushed up the stairs and reached for the key in his pocket. But then he stopped himself. He had to give her a chance before he went rushing in. He had already made that mistake once and he wasn't about to make it again if he could help it. As calmly as possible he knocked on the door. No reply. He knocked again. No reply. "Sara? It's Grissom. If you're in there, let me in." No reply. "If not, I'll let myself in." No reply. "I'm not going anywhere you know." No reply. 

He was startled as the door to the apartment next to Sara's was opened. A middle-aged woman stepped outside in a dressing gown.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, fine. Sorry to disturb you. I don't suppose you've seen Miss Sidle recently?"

"You mean, Sara, the lovely girl next door?"

"That's the one."

"She works nights, you know."

"Yes, I'm a colleague. But she didn't turn up for work today."

"Really? That doesn't sound like Sara. She's such a hard worker, you know."

"I know. She's very dedicated."

"Such a lovely girl. Anyway, I must get back before the advert break finishes. I hope you find her." She closed the door gently behind her, drowning out the sound of the television from her apartment. Grissom knocked on Sara's door one last time, with no hope of her answering.

"I hope so too."

* * *

The sound of sirens filled Sara's head. She felt something warm trickle down her forehead and touched her hand to the source of the pain. She was aware of someone peering through the window of her car. 

"Ma'am?" spoke a gentle voice. "Can you hear me?"

Sara nodded, feeling stiffness in her neck.

"Don't worry, ma'am, we'll get you out of there."

* * *

Grissom could physically feel a cloud begin to settle over him as he made his way around Sara's apartment. Everything was neatly tidied away. The personal touches, such as photographs and fridge magnets, had been removed. He held his breath as he opened Sara's wardrobe, releasing it slowly as he observed the lack of clothes inside. He knew he had no right to be in her home, but he no longer cared. All he could think about was the fact that she had left. It was too late. She could be anywhere by now and he had no way of finding out where that anywhere was. He sat down on her bed and picked up a pillow. Holding it to his face he breathed in deeply. It smelt of fabric detergent. Well, what was he expecting? Some wonderful 'Sara-smell' which would bring memories flooding back? This wasn't a film set. He placed the pillow back and made the bed up neatly before leaving the flat and locking the door. 

He could not help but feel despairing as he got into his car once again. It was a horrible feeling, not knowing what to do and was deeply disconcerted by it. Grissom had chosen his job because he was good at it. It was familiar territory. Very rarely was he left unsure of what to do next. If he was honest it was for the same reason he had kept his distance from Sara. He was afraid of relationships; of being close to someone. Because relationships were unpredictable. You couldn't plan them, or know you were good at them (although Grissom felt quite sure that he wasn't.) Logic said that Sara leaving should make him happy; it was one less complication to deal with. But Grissom was beginning to realise that life wasn't cut and dry. Nothing could have prepared him for the feelings he was experiencing right now.

He started the ignition and drove. He was on autopilot. He went from accelerator to brake, changed the gear, and indicated as he turned corners, yet he was not thinking about any of his actions. He only became aware of his surroundings as he joined the back of an apparently never-ending traffic jam. He glanced out of the window, disinterested by the sight of a small pile up of cars to the side of him. That was until he spotted an untidy mop of dark hair sitting on the roadside. He stopped the car there and then and climbed out, ignoring the irate shouting of the drivers behind him. They were entirely happy to gawp at other people's misfortune, Grissom thought, until they had no option but to stay where they were.

It took all his effort not to run over to the accident scene. Indeed he couldn't hold back a cry of 'Sara!'. She glanced up at his approaching figure and he observed a look of panic flash over her face. For a moment he felt nervous. Was she really that disappointed that he had found her? But he went on, pushing his way past paramedics and policemen to reach her. He crouched down beside her. She would not meet his eye. He observed dried blood on her forehead and a bruise forming on her cheek.

"Honey, what have you done to yourself?"

She did not speak a word but a silent tear rolled down her cheek. Grissom could not bear to see her like this. He could almost feel her world tumbling down around her, and it broke his heart to even consider how she was feeling. He reached out for her hand, but she pulled it back. At that moment he thought he felt his own world begin to crumble as hers was. The ruins of their lives were forming a pile at their feet.

"Sara, how could you just leave like that?"

He knew it was neither the time nor the place, but the question just slipped out. She turned her head towards the ground but looked up with tired eyes at Grissom. Their gazes met for a split second and he could see her pleading with him to leave. But he was not going to give in. He thought he had lost her, and now he had been given another chance he wasn't letting go of it without a fight.

They sat there in silence for what seemed like forever. The noise of angry horns and shouting from those vehicles still stuck behind Grissom's car, and the bustle of emergency services helping those who needed it provided a not so soothing background. Gradually the solitary tears falling from Sara's eyes were joined by more and more until a waterfall of salty liquid was cascading down her aching cheeks. Grissom longed to take her into his arms but he knew that she wasn't ready for that. And in reality neither was he.

Eventually a paramedic spotted Sara and approached her. Ushering Grissom to one side, he saw to the wound on Sara's head and provided her with tissues to mop up her tears. With apparently no effort, he did all the jobs that Grissom felt he should be doing. He had been placed aside; made an onlooker. But that was better than not being there at all.


	6. Chapter Five

_Next part's up folks... _

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The paramedic decided it was necessary to take Sara to the hospital for a few hours observation. It was a head wound after all, he had explained to her as she protested wildly. Grissom had watched on, inwardly smiling at the prime example of Sara's personality. Yet he had stopped smiling when she had pointedly requested that he did not come to the hospital with her and that he did not tell anyone what he had seen.

"This changes nothing."

"This changes everything, Sara."

"I'm still going. All this has done is delayed the inevitable."

"I can't believe you're saying that. You don't really want to leave."

"And you can be sure of that because…"

Grissom stared, deep into Sara's eyes. There was nothing there. Absolutely nothing. Could it be that he was wrong? That she really did feel nothing for any of them? Maybe she honestly just wanted to leave everything behind. In an instant he went from feeling indignant and angry that she could just pack up and go like that then stand in front of him and say it was what she wanted, to total self doubt. All his arguments went out of his head. He opened his mouth, then shut it again, fishlike.

"Just go, Grissom."

Sara turned and followed the paramedic into an ambulance. Grissom watched as she sat herself down. Their gazes met as the doors were shut. If he wasn't mistaken he saw tears form in her eyes. His own certainly felt suspiciously moist. Could it be that he had just let his second chance slip through his fingers?

Hastily Sara rubbed her eyes to rid them of the tears that were gathering. She spoke harshly to herself in her mind. Just because she was feeling upset didn't mean she wasn't making the right decision. It was inevitable; a car crash would upset anyone. There was nothing significant in the fact that facing Grissom had been far more painful than leaving the lab and leaving her apartment. He wanted nothing of her except her professional expertise; he had made that perfectly clear. And she had forced herself to accept it; there was no going back, especially not now.

She looked around her sterile surroundings. She had always hated hospitals. They held nothing but bad memories; they were full of negative connotations. And a hospital on wheels was just as bad. She contemplated for a moment making an escape the next time they stopped at some traffic lights, and then laughed at her own absurdity. Not only was her car in a right state but her suitcase was still in the back. She would have to do something about collecting it once she had been discharged.

The journey passed in a never-ending cycle of sad thoughts, past regrets and considerations of the future. Only the near future, mind you; Sara couldn't begin to think beyond the next few weeks. Eventually they arrived at the hospital. Sara stepped out, a headache beginning to emerge from the area of her wound. She was shown to a crowded waiting room and assured her wait would not be long. She sat herself as far away from the crowds as possible. It was the complete truth when she said that she by far and away preferred dead people to sick ones.

The hospital was true to its words. Sara was shown to a bed only 10 minutes after her arrival. She rested her throbbing head on a surprisingly soft pillow and felt herself dozing off…

* * *

The next thing she knew a person was standing at her bedside. No, not a person. Two people: Catherine and Nick. She sat up with a start.

"What- why- I-" Words failed her. "Grissom-"

"He called us," Catherine said gently. "The minute they took you off in the ambulance."

"He had no right."

"Sara-" Nick began. "How could you do it, Sara?"

"Don't Nick. Please."

"You were just going to leave without a word."

"The letter-"

Nick scoffed. Sara's chest began to hurt, but it was nothing any medicinal cure could deal with, she was sure. She couldn't bear this. That was why she had avoided personal goodbyes.

"A letter? After all those years – a few lines?"

"It was better that way."

"For who exactly?"

"For everyone." Sara felt a lump rise in her throat and attempted to swallow it. "I'm still going. I told Grissom that. He shouldn't have told you I was here. He shouldn't even have stopped on that road."

"You really think he'd find you in the middle of a pile up and just drive past? Come on, Sara."

"What does he care? There are plenty of CSIs out there just raring to get a job like mine."

"Not as good as you there aren't. And anyway you mean a lot more to him than just the job." Nick seemed awkward speaking the words but not half as awkward as Sara felt hearing them. She had been over this far too many times. She wasn't going to do it again.

"I'm replaceable, Nick. I know it, you know it. There's no point in pretending otherwise. And if all this is some attempt to make me stay then it's not going to work. I'm decided."

Nick looked disbelieving. He opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. With an exasperated look at Sara he walked away. Sara closed her eyes and rested her head on the pillow once again.

"He's right you know." Catherine's voice penetrated the aching blur of Sara's thoughts and she slowly opened her eyes. "I don't think you realise how much he cares. All of us do." She turned to leave. "Oh, by the way, Grissom took your suitcase back to your apartment. Looks like you'll be spending one more night here. I hope that won't be too much of an effort for you."

The dryness of Catherine's voice would usually have sparked an angry retort from Sara but right now she didn't have the energy. She allowed herself to drop off into restless sleep again, but what came with this was ten times worse than that which occupied her mind whilst she was awake.

* * *

_A thousand tangled branches and roots grabbed at her legs as she struggled onwards. They mauled and scratched her; a cocktail of pain penetrating her body every second. Her breath was short and desperate. With each step she felt herself grow closer to her own breaking point. And then she heard the sound she had been dreading most. Footsteps behind her; they were gaining pace by the second. She tried to speed up but her attempts were futile. Suddenly she caught her foot on an object protruding from the ground and landed sprawled amongst the muddy undergrowth. She felt a hand on her back and let an almighty scream…

* * *

"Sara? Sara!" She heard Grissom's concerned voice as she transferred to a state of consciousness. His hand was on hers. It took her a second to register this fact; a second before she tore it away. "It's ok, honey. You're safe."_

"I'm fine. Don't- I- You-" she murmured weakly. But the tears were already starting to fall.

"It's alright. I'm going nowhere."

"You have to. You have to leave. Now." But there was a lack of conviction in Sara's voice and she could feel her defences fall by the second. "This can't happen. It mustn't."

"What can't happen, Sara?"

"I can't let you in. No one. I don't want anyone."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't do it, Grissom." Tears were now flowing down Sara's cheeks. The moisture was like a gentle river, coursing over her pallid complexion. He took her hand gently, once again. This time she did not pull away. He asked no more questions until the river had run dry. Once she was composed, her colourless face dry and uninterrupted but for the cold blue bruises on her cheeks and the bandage on her forehead, he sat her up gently in the bed.

"Now, are you going to tell me what's going on?"


	7. Chapter Six

Sara knew she was fighting a losing battle. So much of her needed desperately to keep it all locked inside, yet here she was feeling closer to confessing everything than she ever had done. She grasped Grissom's hand as though her life depended on it; as though letting go would send her tumbling into a spiral of despair from which she would never be able to escape.

"Please-" she began.

Grissom squeezed her hand in return. "Whatever you want, Sara. I'm sorry. I- I don't mean to put pressure on you. You don't have to tell me anything. But don't shut me out. I can't deal with that."

"Why are you here, Grissom?"

"Why do you think?"

"I've tried not to think at all."

"I'm here because- because-" he faltered. Sara could see how hard this was for him. He was struggling to find the words. "Because I care," he managed at last. Those three words meant more to Sara than she could ever express. All those years of dodging the matter in hand; of dropping indecipherable hints; of him distancing her from him in every way possible; his actions had made her so angry. But those three words made up for everything. She just wished he could have said them under any circumstances but these. "Say something." She was interrupted from her thoughts by his nervous voice.

"Like what?" She felt a lump rise in her throat for the millionth time that day and made attempts to swallow it as she had done all those times before.

"That'll do. I just needed to hear your voice."

"Grissom, I-" She stopped, unable to voice her thoughts. He simply stared expectantly at her. She knew, in that instant, that she had to tell him. She couldn't lie to those beautiful eyes; that compassionate nature. He had frustrated her so much in the past, yet in this moment she only knew that he would do anything for her, and she him. And she couldn't keep this from him. She opened her mouth. But the words wouldn't come. She couldn't say it. Instead she reluctantly let go of Grissom's hand and sat up further in the bed.

"What is it?"

She motioned to the covers and he gently pulled them back so that her body was exposed, still dressed in black cords and a T-shirt from earlier in the evening. Then he waited expectantly. Silently she pulled back her trouser leg to reveal the bandage and then the other leg, uncovering skin damaged by numerous cuts and grazes. Slowly she looked up at Grissom. He was staring at her legs, incomprehension and confusion on his face. Still she couldn't find the words. But she had – no, they had – taken the first step. Now there was no turning back.

* * *

Nick and Catherine had returned to the lab after their brief trip to the hospital. Both felt exasperated by Sara, but their frustration was rooted in concern. They knew that there was far more to Sara's departure than she was letting on and they truly hoped that Grissom's visit would have some kind of effect on her. 

As they arrived back at the lab they were immediately greeted by Warrick and Greg.

"What's going on, guys?" Warrick questioned.

"I wish I knew," Nick sighed. "What are we going to do with her? Why does she do these things to herself?"

Greg looked puzzled. "There's more to her odd behaviour than mood swings then."

"Mood swings?" Catherine mocked. "Come on, Greg!"

Greg seemed hurt. "I don't know, do I? Sara's unpredictable like that."

"She certainly is," Catherine agreed. "And she's getting more so by the day."

"Well, we'll find out what's going on soon enough," Warrick commented.

"I wouldn't be so sure," Catherine replied.

"What do you mean?"

"Last thing we knew she was still set on leaving."

"You've got to be kidding?"

"I wish I was."

* * *

"When did this happen?" 

"Four days ago."

"But you were at work."

"I left early, remember. I went home at two o'clock."

"A headache?" he recalled.

"Yes." Sara answered the question matter-of-factly. She was getting through this conversation purely by treating it as she would a professional situation; an interview.

"But how? When? Where?"

Grissom's desperate voice did not help Sara. She closed her eyes, focusing on getting through the next few minutes.

"I drove halfway. But I was too tired and my head was throbbing. I parked in a car park and decided to walk the rest of the way. It was only fifteen minutes. Well, it was supposed to be-" She felt her hand begin to shake and clenched it into a fist. "I took a shortcut through the park."

"Sara! After everything we see? At 2am you decided to go for a stroll through a dark wooded area!"

"Grissom!" Sara lost control and felt her whole body begin to shake as the horrific memories flooded back. Grissom immediately looked ashamed. He moved over onto the bed with Sara and wrapped an arm around her.

"I'm so sorry, honey. That was completely wrong of me. I didn't mean it." He watched Sara wipe her glassy eyes, guilt wracking him.

"No, you're right. It's my fault. I was so stupid. In a way I deserved it."

It hurt Grissom to hear those words come from her mouth. "Never, never say that. Whatever happened; whoever it was; you didn't deserve it."

"But how else could anyone do that? How could it happen, if it wasn't some kind of punishment, Grissom? Why else would he have done it?" Sara gave in and tears flowed down her cheeks. It was beginning to feel more normal for her to be crying than for her not to be. Grissom embraced her, murmuring soothing sounds. He rocked her gently in his arms.

"Listen to yourself, Sara. How many times have you heard victims speak like that and convinced them that they were wrong? I'm not as good at that as you, so you're going to have to help yourself. None of this is your fault."

"I know that. Really I do, deep inside." Sara pulled away and looked into Grissom's eyes. This was all going far too fast, but she couldn't stop now. "But it doesn't help. It doesn't get rid of the memories." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. It was now or never. "He attacked me Grissom. He attacked me and he- he- he raped me."

She could almost hear Grissom drawing in his breath. He pulled away from her whilst still holding onto her hands. He tried to look into her eyes, but she would not meet his gaze. He felt as though his life had just been ripped in two. He could not begin to imagine how Sara herself felt. A mélange of emotions washed over him. Despair, anger, guilt, even a strange sense of grief for an innocence lost; a simplicity which could never be regained. But more than anything he felt an overwhelming sense of duty to Sara. She had confided in him; she had gone against everything her mind had been telling her to do. And he was not going to let her down. Sara had not got rid of her problem, not by a long way, but she had shared it. And that was a step in the right direction.


	8. Chapter Seven

_Thanks for all the reviews, as usual. I'm afraid I'm really beginning to fall behind now, but I promise I'm getting these parts up as fast as possible, but I can't rush inspiration (or homework)! _

_Thanks in particular to Wiccamage for all the constructive comments, I really appreciate it. I'm sorry for the odd colloquialism I may use; I don't really think about it. Advert, for example, is a word so widely used in Britain on TV, radio, in books, magazines etc. that I hardly even think of it as slang, but I completely appreciate your point, and I will do my utmost to keep slang out, to make the story more widely accessible. _

_Also thanks to glasfaserkabel - I appreciate your honesty and I totally agree that my story is not entirely original and probably resembles many others on but I hope some people can enjoy it anyway. And by the way, I love Germany! I'm doing German A-level and I just love your country!_

_Anyway, here's the bit you actually are interested in..._

_Em xxx

* * *

_

The hospital kept Sara in for a few more hours. She slept, for once memories not plaguing her dreams. Maybe that had something to do with the fact Grissom did not let go of her hand for the whole time, even when he himself had dozed off for a little while. When she woke, she felt stiff all over. The events of the night had distracted her from the shock her body had actually received from the car crash. She gently tried to shift herself in the bed but still she woke Grissom.

"Are you ok?"

"Sure. Just a little stiff."

"Do you need me to call a doctor?"

"No, Grissom."

There was a moment of awkward silence. Panic suddenly hit Sara. Had she alienated Grissom with her confession? She pulled back from him; he was perched awkwardly on the side of the bed. He looked confused but neither had time to speak before a doctor entered.

"Good morning, Miss Sidle. How are you feeling?"

"Much better. All I needed was some sleep."

Grissom shot her a sharp glance. "Actually," he interrupted. "She was saying she felt a little stiff."

Sara looked outraged. "It's nothing."

"Stiffness is to be expected," the doctor replied. "Your body's been through a lot in the last 24 hours. You're free to go home as soon as you feel ready."

Sara immediately clambered out of her bed. "Thank you. I'll go now."

"Just visit reception on your way out to sign out."

"Of course."

The doctor left. Sara made her way over to a mirror in the room and started to hopelessly play around with her hair. Grissom came up behind her and placed a hand lightly on her shoulder.

"I better drive you home."

Sara shook Grissom's hand off, marching over to the cabinet to collect what few belongings had come with her to the hospital.

"Leave me alone."

"Sara, please."

"You had no right. I can speak for myself, thank you."

"I just thought-"

"What? You thought what?"

"Maybe you're feeling a little-"

"I don't believe this! I knew I shouldn't have told anyone. Not least you."

Grissom flinched. "Sara, I'm only-"

"You're only what, Grissom? Fussing? Taking liberties?" She stopped in her tracks and stared straight into his eyes, making him feel distinctly uncomfortable. "I thought I could tell you without you treating me differently. I thought you would understand. Nothing's changed, Grissom, not really."

"Everything's changed, Sara." Grissom reached out for her hand, but she pulled it back. "You can't pretend nothing's happened."

"I know something's happened! But I don't want to let it ruin my whole life. I told you because I couldn't keep it bottled up. But that's as far as it goes. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Not talking about it won't make it go away."

"It won't go away, ever. I know that. But I can try and forget it ever happened."

"And what good will that do?"

"It's all I can do, Grissom. You can't even begin to imagine how I feel right now, so you can't tell me what to do. I was-" She stopped mid-sentence.

"Look, you can't even say it. You're not ready to forget this. You need to deal with it."

"Ok, I was raped! You hear that – I said it. I was raped! Now I've dealt with it. Ok?"

"No." But the voice was not Grissom's. Sara darted round to stare at the door. Nick was standing there, staring at her with a look of utter bewilderment on his face. "It's not ok."

* * *

Sara was sitting on the hospital bed. All she longed for was to leave this sterile place and get back to her apartment. Yet here she was, alone but for Nick standing in a corner staring blankly at the walls. Grissom had left, on her request, albeit reluctantly.

"Why didn't you tell me, Sara?"

Nick's voice startled her; they must have been sitting in silence for at least 5 minutes. "It wasn't that easy."

"It would only have taken a few words."

"I didn't want to tell anyone."

"You told Grissom."

"Big mistake."

"I just don't understand. How could you last for all those days without telling anyone?"

"Some people never tell anyone."

"And you thought you could do that?" Nick shook his head pitifully. "Oh, Sara - we were all here." He sounded genuinely hurt and guilt began to creep over Sara.

"I'm sorry, Nick."

"No, I'm sorry." Nick made his way over to her and sad down next to her on the bed. "But you'll get through this. There's no way you're dealing with it alone."

"I didn't want to drag you all down with me. It's my mess – there's no need to involve anyone else."

"If you're hurting, Sara, then we're all already involved. We care. I know you find that hard to believe, but it's true. Even Grissom – especially Grissom."

"He could have fooled me."

"I think you two need to have a proper conversation."

"Can I go home first?"

Nick smiled at Sara and helped her to her feet.

"As long as you promise you won't do a runner again."

* * *

In the end Nick drove Sara home. Grissom protested with all his might but it was to no avail. Sara's conversation with Nick had given her time to cool off but she still did not feel ready to face Grissom; to discuss what she had told him. The car journey was painful.

"What's the time?" Sara asked, merely to break the horrible silence.

"Nearly 2o'clock." Nick took his eyes of the road for a split second to glance at his watch.

Sara's body clock was totally thrown. It was not usual for her to be awake during daylight hours. "Only a few hours before the next shift."

"Don't worry – I can stay with you for as long as you like."

"What makes you think I'm not going to work?"

Nick looked amazed. "You are kidding, right?"

"Should I be?"

"You've been raped, Sara," Nick stated,barely anyemotion in his voice though the word made Sara flinch. "Not to mention the fact you were involved in a major traffic accident only a few hours ago. And anyway, didn't you quit?"

When it was put like that, Sara felt ridiculous to have even suggested going back to work. She felt her cheeks redden slightly. She turned to stare at the road ahead and brought the conversation back to more mundane matters.

"Nice weather today, isn't it."

* * *

After an hour or so, Sara succeeded in convincing Nick to leave by promising she would not go anywhere. He had made her some toast (all she could stomach given the circumstances) and promised to return later, before he started his shift. As he shut the door behind him, Sara sat down in her armchair. She was at a dead end. She had slept more in the hospital than she had done in the last month and she could sleep no more. Switching on the television or the radio revealed only annoying people saying annoying things; it all seemed so mundane all of a sudden. She suddenly felt a huge desire to shower. Since the rape she had felt dirty; as if she would never be clean again. And every time she did not know what to do she ended up in the bathroom, scrubbing at her skin until it was red andraw. But even showering was not practical; it soaked her bandage and stung her legs.

On impulse, Sara stood up, ran a comb quickly through her hair and headed for the door. Out, she had to get out; it was the only thing to do. She grabbed her keys, threw the front door open and found herself face to face with Grissom. She nearly ran straight into him.

"Whoa, whoa, Sara. I thought you said you weren't going to do another runner."

"I'm not," Sara replied, defensive. "I was just going to go for a walk."

"Quite a brisk walk, by the looks of things."

"I had to get out, Grissom. I never thought that silence could be so haunting."

"Well, can I come out with you?"

"Why don't you come in instead?" She signalled to him to enter her apartment. "All of a sudden I don't feel like going anywhere." Her energy had dissipated in a second; the second she saw Grissom. It had been replaced with a sense of foreboding but also an acceptance that the conversation that would follow was inevitable. "Please-" She walked back through to her living room, expecting Grissom to follow. He did. She sat down in the armchair and Grissom sat on the sofa.

"I'm sorry, Sara. I had no right to interfere."

"That's alright. I overreacted."

"It's understandable."

"I suppose so."

"We have to talk about this."

"I know."

Grissom seemed surprised at how easy this was being. "So-"

"I want to get the guy who did this, Grissom."

"We will."

"We?"

"We."

"I suppose it's too late to say I don't want the rest of the team to know."

"They don't know yet. But we can't keep this from them. Not now Nick knows too. They'll only want to help, you know."

"I know. But no one can help, except when it comes to nailing the bastard who raped me." The conviction in Sara's voice shocked Grissom.

"And that's exactly what we're going to do. And together you and I can work through this."

Sara stood up and moved over to join Grissom on the sofa. Her actions surprised herself almost as much as they did him.

"Thank you."

"Never thank me, Sara. I don't have any choice in the matter. I couldn't leave you now if I wanted to."


	9. Chapter Eight

_Sorry for the wait. You would not believe how hectic school is right now. Who would have though A-levels would be this much work! Roll on Christmas..._

_Em xxxx _

_

* * *

_

"Hey, Sara. It's good to see you."

Sara felt her cheeks burn as Catherine placed a hand on her shoulder. She had been off work for a couple of days and after accepting the fact that Grissom was not going to let her go anywhere she had unpacked her suitcase and was now back at work. It was tough. Memories plagued her mind like an itch that would not go away. And she was well aware that everyone in the lab knew what had happened to her. She didn't expect anyone to welcome her with, 'How's the rape recovery going?', but it was still rather unsettling to have them skirt around the issue. She moved into a corner to pick up some papers on the table.

"So, how have you been coping without me?"

"We haven't coped at all."

The voice alone made Sara smile. "Hey, Greggo. Good to see you."

"You too." He walked straight up and embraced her. It was an out-of-character gesture yet somehow it seemed totally natural.

Sara felt tears prick at the back of her eyes. "You're in danger of becoming emotional if you're not careful," she laughed, pushing him away gently. She was suddenly aware of the whole team's eyes on her. "It's good to see you all, really. But all these corny reunions are wasting valuable time."

"I think you've worked enough overtime in your lifetime to more than make up for it," Nick said.

"Don't be so sure. I've got three whole days to make up for. If not more."

Catherine rolled her eyes. "Seems we've got the old Sara back."

The rest of the team smiled, agreeing. Sara just wished she could be as convinced.

* * *

Stifling a yawn, Sara shuffled through a pile of papers. She was heading towards the end of the shift and she was struggling to stay awake. At that moment she could hardly believe that in the past she had worked double, and even triple, shifts. It was as though something had been taken out of her. She had not left the lab today. Grissom thought it was best that way; she should ease herself back into 'normal' life. She had not been in a position to disagree, and sitting there now, exhausted just from paperwork, she was certain that she would not have coped with a day in the field. For a second she contemplated leaving half an hour early, but the thought did not last long. Even at a time like this she was not going to give in to a little tiredness. She took a sip of the strong coffee, now cold, that was sitting on the desk in front of her and sat up straight in her chair, stretching her arms above her head.

"Having an exercise break?" Grissom joked as he entered the room she was sitting in.

Sara smiled feebly and attempted, unsuccessfully, to stifle another yawn. "Exercise is the last thing on my mind right now."

"What is on your mind?" Grissom pulled up a seat in front of her.

"Oh come on, Grissom. You're not my shrink."

"No. I'm your friend."

Sara couldn't decide whether she felt annoyed and patronised or touched by the affection Grissom was showing her, when he evidently found it so difficult. "Thank you." She touched his hand, briefly and gently.

He looked up at her. She was gazing, but not into his eyes. She was staring right through him. It was an eerie sensation. He was aware of the fact that she was there in body, but not in mind or spirit. He wondered whether he was wrong to have let her come back to work so soon. Not that he had really had much choice in the matter. But he could do something now.

"I'll drive you home."

"Thanks." She began to study the papers in front of her again.

"I meant now."

"The shift's not over yet."

"It will be in half an hour. No one will miss you."

"Thanks," she murmured sarcastically, allowing herself a little smile when she saw panic flash across Grissom's face.

"No – I didn't mean it like that," he replied, flustered.

"I know. But really, I can last thirty minutes." Her body chose the wrong moment to hit her with another uncontrollable yawn.

"You're exhausted."

"Just a few more minutes."

Grissom despaired of her stubbornness. He saw her reach out for another file on the desk. She scanned it quickly and her face went deadly pale. He reached out to take it from her.

"Sara? What is it? Let me see."

She let the file slip from her hands into his, a lump forming in her throat. Grissom glanced at the file in his hands and saw what had caused Sara's shock. He realised immediately what had bothered her. Inadvertently she had picked up her own case file. He could only thank God that she had not opened it. To read about the investigation into her own rape would have been, he believed, far too much for Sara. He slowly stood up, placing the file out of Sara's reach on a corner of the desk.

"I'll take you home."

Sara nodded.

* * *

Sara cradled the cup of tea in her hands, savouring the warmth. But she did not drink it. Grissom noticed this, and it worried him. She would not eat and it had been an effort just to get her to let him make her the cup of tea. And now she just held it, staring into it as though she expected the solution to all her problems to appear from its murky depths.

"It's getting cold," she murmured.

"I'll make you another," Grissom replied.

"No."

The room returned to silence. Grissom did not know what to do. He had known he would have to walk a difficult path with Sara, and he was prepared to do whatever it took, but that did not make moments like this any less awkward. She had seemed a little better when she had arrived at the start of the shift the previous evening, but he should have realised that emotions would come in waves. He stood up from the sofa, moved over to Sara and gently removed the cup from her hand. "At least let me go wash this up." Sara let him take it. He exited to the kitchen and rinsed the cup. When he returned Sara was sitting in exactly the same position, now staring into her lap instead of the mug. She must have detected his presence, although she did not look up.

"What am I going to do?"

Grissom was taken aback by her words. There was a desperation in them; a plea for help, which he did not know how to react to.

"You're going to get through this."

"You keep saying that. I keep agreeing. But what does it mean? I can't sit at home all day. But I'm useless at work. I couldn't think straight. I'm no good to anyone like that."

"It's early days yet, Sara."

"But I can't see how things will get any better."

"Of course they will."

"How?"

"For one thing we're going to catch whoever did this."

"Not necessarily."

"Of course we will."

"Don't humour me, Grissom. I know the chances are slim. We haven't exactly got much to go on. I hardly saw his face and there's no DNA evidence because I left it so late before saying anything."

"That's all true. But it just makes it harder. Not impossible."

"I appreciate your efforts to convince me, but they're not going to help."

All of a sudden she sat up in the chair and stared straight at him.

"You better go home."

"I'm going nowhere."

"Don't be stupid. You need your sleep. You've got work to do later."

"I'll survive."

"Go, Grissom. I'll be fine. You can come back later. You'll be no good to anyone, including me, if you can't stay awake."

Grissom could see the reason in her words, as much as he wished he couldn't. He reluctantly stood up and opened his mouth to speak. Sara put a finger to his lips. The action was tender, with real feeling behind it. "Don't say anything. Thank you, Grissom. For everything. For being here." Yet somehow they both knew that nothing more was to come of it. Not yet. Grissom silently let himself out of the apartment.

If he had looked back he would have seen the tears running down Sara's cheeks. If he had thought about it, he would have realised the finalityof her words.

* * *

Sara's neighbour sat watching the television as usual. She heard a tap running from the house next door. It was a strange time to be having a bath, she thought to herself, before she remembered Sara's working hours. She turned up the television to drown out the noisy plumbing.

The high volume meant that she did not realise that half an hour later the tap was still running.


	10. Chapter Nine

_Hope you're all still enjoying this. Sorry for such irregular posting. _

_Em x

* * *

_

It was as Sara's neighbour was not realising that Sara's tap had been running for half an hour that Grissom was making his way up to her apartment. He had been barely half way to his own home when he had realised he had left his jacket behind. He knew full well that he could do without it for a while; there was no need for him to return immediately. But it had provided him with the perfect excuse. He could not keep reliving that moment in his head; that split second when she had placed her finger on his lips. It had had the kind of effect on him that he had only thought was possible in television shows and films; the kind that he did not watch, of course. A shiver had run down his spine. He knew that she was fragile right now and that it would have done neither of them on any good for him to have taken the moment further yet he now had such a longing to take her into his arms and hold her. He needed her to know that she was here. Possibly words could not express his hopelessly confused feelings but he knew he needed to see her.

And that had brought him here, to Sara's door. He knocked, wondering when the butterflies he normally displayed on his walls had made their way into his stomach. There was no reply and he wondered whether Sara had given in and gone to bed. He knocked again, not really wanting to wake her but knowing that he could not turn around now he was here. There was still no reply. He suddenly became aware of the sound of running water; she must be bathing. He wondered what to do. He did not really relish the idea of standing on her doorstep until she was finished. He decided to knock on Sara's neighbour's door. She answered, dressed identically to the last time they had met, in a dressing gown and slippers and Grissom could hear the television noise in the background. He did not get the feeling she was a particularly active woman. She did not look particularly pleased to be disturbed and if she recalled her and Grissom's previous encounter she did not show it in her face.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm sorry to have to disturb you," Grissom began. "But I wondered if you had a key to Miss Sidle's apartment?"

"I don't have a spare key I'm afraid," she replied although the suspicion in her face did make Grissom wonder whether she would tell him if she did.

"Do you know whether anyone else in the building has a spare key?"

"Is there a reason you need to get in to her apartment?"

"She's in the bath." The shocked look on the woman's face made Grissom realise his words were not entirely clear in their meaning. "I'm Gilbert Grissom. Her boss- I mean her friend. I left my jacket behind when I was visiting earlier and I wanted to collect it without disturbing her."

"I'm afraid you're going to have to wait. She shouldn't be long, I'm sure. She got in the bath-" she glanced at her watch momentarily. "Well, it must have been more than half an hour ago now."

Grissom was confused. "May I ask how you can be sure?"

"I heard the taps running."

"Half an hour ago?"

"Yes. I know because my favourite show was beginning and I turned the volume up."

"Have they stopped since?"

The woman seemed unsure. "I- I don't know. I didn't register them stopping, but I couldn't be sure. Are they still running?" Grissom nodded. The woman moved quickly into her own home and turned off the television. A silence gripped the building and the rumbling sounds of plumbing could be heard. She returned to the door with a worried look on her face. "There's a damp patch on my floor," she said. "I think Sara's bathroom is on the other side of the wall."

Grissom began to pound on Sara's door. "Sara? Can you hear me?" he called out. "I'm going to come in, Sara, if you don't open the door." He waited a few brief seconds but there was no sound other than that of the still running taps. With one strong movement he burst the door down and rushed inside. The neighbour stood at the door, her face wracked with worry.

Grissom found his way to Sara's bathroom door. It was not locked. Scared of what he might find inside he gently pushed the door, under which a stream of water was flowing, open. It was as bad as he feared. Sara was lying in the full bath. Steam was rising and the mirror and the window were totally clouded. She was clothed but her face was so deadly pallid that Grissom immediately feared the worst. He waded through the flood and turned the taps off. He reached into the bath water, which was mottled with blood, and took hold of one of Sara's wrists. He felt for a pulse. The moment he felt one he allowed himself to breathe again. It was faint but it was there.

Sara's neighbour had made her way to the doorway of the bathroom. She looked as though she herself might pass out. Grissom could not afford for this to happen.

"Call an ambulance," he demanded. "Now."

The woman, seemingly on autopilot, did as she was told. Grissom knelt in the puddle of water beside the bath and placed an arm around Sara to prevent her sliding into the reddened water. The water was hot, but not enough to scald him or her, which was one blessing.

"What were you thinking, Sara?" he murmured to her, hoping that somehow she could hear his voice and it would give her the strength to fight. He just hoped that she wanted to.

* * *

With his head in his hands, Grissom swallowed the rising lump in his throat. This was no time to break down. Not when Sara needs you, he thought to himself. He heard the sound of approaching hurried footsteps coming down the corridor. Glancing up he saw Nick, his face pale, a look of urgency in his eyes.

"Any news?"

"Not since we spoke on the phone."

The urgency seemed to fade from his eyes and was replaced with hopelessness. "Why did we let her back to work so soon?" he asked rhetorically. "Of course she wasn't ready."

"We couldn't have stopped her, Nick," Grissom replied. "Anyway, this would probably only have happened quicker had we made her stay at home. Working was her way of coping."

"But she obviously couldn't cope, could she?" Nick sounded angry.

Grissom signalled for him to sit down. "Don't beat yourself up. I've been doing just that since I found her and I can tell you it does no good."

Nick placed his head in his hands, as Grissom had just done. Grissom observed him, concerned. He knew that Nick cared for Sara almost as much as he himself did, and that was saying something. But Grissom had his ways of coping with these things. Sometimes he struggled, and God knows this was pushing him to his limits, but Grissom was worried that Nick did not have methods of dealing with the struggle. It could torture him and wear him into the ground if he was not careful. Sara needed them to be strong. But now was not the time to tell Nick all this. They sat silently for what felt like hours, but was in reality probably only about thirty minutes. Then both were interrupted mid thought by the resonating sound of more footsteps, signalling they were no longer alone in the corridor. Both men glanced up to see an approaching doctor. Grissom stood; Nick just stared, seemingly unable to conjure the energy to leave his seat.

"Dr Grissom?"

"Yes?"

"Sara wanted me to talk to you."

"She's awake?"

"Yes."

"Oh, thank God." Grissom locked eyes with Nick and they exchanged silent relief.

"She lost a lot of blood, but we got there just in time. She's weak but she should only need to spend a couple of nights here before she can go home. She's going to need more help than we can give her right now, though. Did you know she was feeling this low?"

"She was raped, doctor," Grissom remarked. The doctor nodded her head, evidently aware of this fact. "That doesn't tend to leave people in the happiest of states." Grissom could not help his sarcasm; it was rooted in a demoralizing sense of uselessness. "But no, I didn't expect her to-" He broke off, suddenly struck by the reality of what Sara had tried to do; she had attempted to end her life. Things had got so bad she did not want to live anymore. All of a sudden he had an overwhelming urge to see her; to touch her; to check she was still real. "I have to see her."

"I'm afraid that's why Sara sent me to see you. She doesn't want to speak to you." The doctor seemed to honestly regret what she had to say.

"What? You can't stop me!"

"It's Sara's request, Dr Grissom. I really suggest-"

"Did she mention me?" Nick interrupted.

"She mentioned no one except Dr Grissom."

"Then there's no reason I can't see her."

"You are-?" the doctor questioned.

"Nick Stokes. A friend of Sara's; a close friend."

"I really don't think Sara's ready to see anyone yet. Maybe tomorrow?"

But Nick was not ready to take no for an answer. "She definitely didn't mention me?"

"Like I said. No one except Dr Grissom."

"Then I can go and see her."

"Ok," the doctor agreed. "But only briefly." She motioned for Nick to follow her and the two made their way down the corridor.

Grissom sat back onto his chair and let his head sink once more into his hands. He began to wonder if his assessment had been wrong and in fact Nick was better equipped to deal with everything than he was. Sara certainly seemed to think so. Or maybe none of them were going to cope. Maybe nothing was ever going to get any better than this; they were just going to struggle through life. He once again swallowed a lump in his throat and tried to banish the despair he was feeling from his mind. It didn't bear thinking about.


	11. Chapter Ten

_Merry Christmas everyone! I'm really sorry that it's taken me so long to get this part up but you cannot imagine how hectic the last two weeks of school were. Supposedly I'm working over the holidays but hopefully I should have the time to get a few more parts written so posting may be a bit more regular._

_Have a great Christmas, and if I don't post sooner, a great Hogmanay too!_

_Em xx

* * *

_

"How many shocks do you think we can cope with in a week?" Nick asked; a confusion of anger, hurt and concern mixed in his voice. Sara looked away, unable to meet the confrontation in his eyes. "I'm not telling you off, Sara," he continued. "I just can't go on having these conversations. I don't want to have to regularly convince you that live is worth living."

"Is it?"

"Evidently you don't think so."

It suddenly occurred to Sara how melodramatic this whole scene was. She felt like the star of a bad movie, waiting for her handsome prince to come rescue her. It then occurred to her that if someone were to try to sweep her off the bed the drips that were attached to her body might make it slightly difficult and she laughed out loud at the strange way in which her mind worked.

"What exactly is funny, Sara?"

The hilarity passed in an instant and was replaced immediately by guilt. All of a sudden a certain person reappeared in her mind.

"Where's Grissom?"

"He's just outside. The doctor told us you didn't want to see him."

"I don't," she confirmed, without being entirely sure why she felt this way. The room went silent again. She glanced up for a second and met Nick's eyes for the first time.

"I'm sorry," she blurted, instantly realising the inadequacy of her words. "I never meant to cause anyone else any pain. I just thought it would be easier this way."

"Easier for who, exactly? For me? For Catherine? Greg, Warrick? For Grissom? Please don't tell me you thought this would make life easier for Grissom."

"I'm a hassle, Nick. I'm a mess; I can't cope. I know none of you were ever going to let me deal with this alone, but I didn't want to be a burden. I just thought that-"

"That it would be so much easier if you were dead? What were you thinking? Did you think that we'd all breathe a sigh of relief and get on with life?"

Put that way, Sara suddenly felt ridiculous. "I'm sorry," she muttered again, feeling the meagreness of her words even more.

Nick came over and sat down on the side of the bed. "Just promise me you'll never, ever do that again." He smiled at her. "I don't think my heart could take it."

She smiled back it him. But she could not muster any words. Right now she was worried that, for all that she wanted to, she might not be able to keep the promise.

* * *

Sara awoke, blinking as her eyes adjusted to the harsh hospital lights. A nurse was fiddling with something to the side of her bed. Sara's throat felt horrifically dry. She croaked something incoherently, attracting the nurse's attention.

"You're awake." Sara nodded. "I'll get you some water."

Sara gratefully supped a cup of water with the help of the nurse, feeling weak and helpless.

"I think the doctor is going to come and speak to you soon."

Right on cue, Sara's doctor walked through the door.

"Ah good, you're awake."

"I'll leave you to it," the nurse said, gently tending to Sara's pillows and leaving the half full cup of water on her bedside. The doctor approached Sara's bed and took a deep breath. Sara had a horrible feeling that there was bad news coming.

"Sara," the doctor began. "First of all, you're recovering very well. Despite your best attempts, your body is fighting back."

"But-"

"But we had to run some tests when you came in. In doing so we uncovered something."

"Something bad," Sara added, preparing herself.

"That depends. Sara, you're pregnant."

"What?" Her mind spun, unable to register what she had just heard. "No- I- It-"

"I understand this is difficult for you, but we're going to be with you every step of the way. Can we assume that-?" The doctor broke off, seemingly struggling to word her question. Sara was equally struggling to decipher her words.

"Assume what?"

"The father-"

Sara took a deep breath. The announcement had come as such a shock that as she was still trying to come to terms with the fact that there was a little life growing inside her she had not even contemplated that that life was as much a part of someone else as it was of her. "The father…" she murmured.

"Do we know, Sara?" the doctor probed gently.

"It has to be- I- I wasn't seeing anyone else. That means- Oh God." She broke off. For once her eyes were dry; her body was still. But the thoughts running through her head were dizzying. She closed her eyes but when she opened them again the doctor was still there, concerned. As it dawned on Sara that this was not just a horrible dream, she was glad she had not made the promise to Nick earlier.

"I want an abortion."

"Sara, this isn't the time for rash decisions."

"I said I want an abortion."

"Maybe I should give you some time."

"I'm an adult, doctor. I can make my own decisions."

"You could talk to someone?"

"Doctor, I-" Sara suddenly stopped. "Actually, yes, get Grissom."

"Sorry?"

"Dr Grissom. I want to speak to him. Is he outside?"

"He hasn't left since you got here."

Sara smiled to herself. "Tell him to come in."

The doctor nodded and left the room. In a matter of seconds Grissom had replaced her and was standing watching Sara. The look in his eyes hurt Sara even more than Nick's had.

"Grissom-"

"Sara-"

They both began in unison.

"You first."

"No, you."

"I'm pregnant."

Sara shocked herself. She did not know why she had just come out and told him. For hours she had not even wanted to see him and now here she was confessing everything.

"Sorry?"

"I said I'm pregnant, Grissom."

He moved over to the bed and sat down gently, as much for his own good as hers, Sara thought.

"Is it-"

"The result of my rape? Yes."

"Oh, God." Grissom stared down into his lap, apparently struggling to say anything positive.

"I'm going to get rid of it."

Grissom immediately looked up. "What?"

"Please don't try and persuade me otherwise. You said you'd help me get through this. Part of that is getting rid of this – thing." She refused to consider the life inside her as more than that.

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as I can be. It's part of him, Grissom. I'd never be able to look my own child in the eye."

Grissom reached out for Sara's hand. "Why did you not want to see me earlier?"

Sara was shocked by the sudden change of topic but gladly let Grissom stroke her hand in his. "I don't know. Really, I don't. My head is in turmoil."

"I'm glad you changed your mind."

"Me too."

"I'll be with you all the way, Sara, whatever your decision."

The subtle implication that her decision had not been made was not lost on Sara, but she could not be angry. She was just so glad to have Grissom here, sitting at her bedside, holding her hand. It made her think that maybe, just maybe, something good could come of all of this.


	12. Chapter Eleven

_I really am sorry - I always get impatient when people don't update, and then I go and leave it for ages myself. I am afraid the posting is unlikely to get much more frequent because school is terribly hectic right now. But I'll do my best._

_I hope you all hada lovely Christmas and New Year._

_Em x _

_

* * *

_

"It's time you left now, Dr Grissom."

The doctor tapped him on the shoulder lightly, awakening him from ashallow sleep. Grissom gently untangled himself from Sara's arms, careful not to wake her, and left the room. He decided he would go home, now content that Sara knew he was always going to be there for her. He could get a couple of hours of sleep before returning to the hospital. And sometime he had to get into the lab. There was far too much to be getting on with but Grissom did not care. He would rearrange his life to fit with Sara's. He had had three tastes in one week of what it would feel like should Sara leave his life and he could now be more than certain that it did not bear thinking about. He would do whatever it took to make sure that would never happen.

When Sara awoke she reached out for Grissom's hand. Feeling it was not there, she opened her eyes. He had gone. For a second she panicked but then she realised there was no way he could have slept a night bent double over her hospital bed. She saw a nurse approach her room.

"Did Grissom go?"

"The man who was visiting you earlier?"

"Yes."

"He left when visiting hours were over. I'm sure he'll be back."

Sara wanted to ask when, exactly, he would return, but she knew the nurse would not know. She tried to stop herself from feeling unnecessarily dependant on him but it felt so wonderful to have someone to share everything with, even though all she had to share was pain and worries.

The nurse handed her some forms. "You have to sign these."

"Why?" Sara queried; she was never one to put her signature upon a piece of paper without reading all the small print. Then something occurred to her. "Oh, God; the abortion."

The nurse nodded, looking confused. "Have you changed your mind?"

Sara's pulse had begun to race and her palms felt sweaty. She wished Grissom were here to reassure her. "No- I- Do you have a pen?"

The nurse handed her one and Sara prepared to sign away the life of her unborn child.

* * *

It had physically hurt Grissom to get out of bed after only three hours sleep but the image of Sara lying in the hospital bed, so frail and covered in drips, motivated him to do so. As he entered the hospital now and experienced the familiar sterile smell of disinfectant his only thought was getting Sara out of there. He now knew his way around and made his way up to the ward in which she was resident. Waved through by the nurses, who now recognised him, he entered Sara's private room. At first he thought she was sleeping but he quickly noticed the tears rolling down her cheeks. He rushed to her bedside. "Sara?" he questioned. "What's wrong?"

"The baby," she choked. "The abortion-"

"You've had it already? I should have been here – I'm so sorry."

"No – I haven't."

"Then when?"

"I'm not." Sara struggled to mop her tears with her hand. "I couldn't, Grissom. I couldn't punish my baby. It's not its fault that I got raped. Please tell me I did the right thing."

"Of course you did, Sara. I told you, I'll be here no matter what. This baby is going to have the most wonderful mother in the world."

"Thank you so much, Grissom." Sara's tears were falling slower now and she could talk more easily. "I don't think I'd be able to get through this without you."

"It's good you don't have to then."

All of a sudden there was a knock on the door. Turning round, Grissom saw Nick enter the room. His eyes were drawn to Sara and Grissom's intertwined hands and he smiled. Then they moved to Sara's face and he evidently spotted the dampness of her cheeks.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"Nothing," Sara replied. Nick did not look convinced. "Really." She pulled her hand gently free from Grissom's. "Could you give us a minute, Grissom?"

"Of course."

"Sit down, Nick."

He did as he was told; he looked more and more worried by the second. "What's wrong, Sara?"

"I told you – nothing's wrong."

"There's something going on. What is it?"

"If you'd let me get a word in edgeways, Nick, I'd tell you." Nick did not smile or laugh; he just looked frustrated. "I'm pregnant." Bafflement struck his face.

"What- How-I-"

"And I'm keeping the baby." The room went deadly silent. Sara had not expected it to be more difficult to tell Nick than it had been Grissom. "Please say something, Nick."

"I- I'm sorry."

"That's not the usual response when someone announces they're expecting a baby."

"No- I mean- Congratulations."

"It's ok, Nick, I don't expect you to start jumping up and down. I know it might be difficult to understand, but I can't take out my anger on an innocent child."

"I understand. I think." Nick replied. "Does this mean you won't do anything stupid again? Now there are two of you to consider?"

"I suppose so, yes."

"Do you think you could make that promise now then?"

"Sorry?"

"Don't think I didn't notice that yesterday you never actually promised me anything."

"Didn't I?"

"A smile doesn't constitute a yes, Sara. I want written agreement."

"You'll have to make do with an oral contract for now."

"Ok. You promise?"

"I promise."

"Thank you."

"It's the least I can do."

"Shall I go and get Grissom again?"

"Yes, please."

"You two were looking quite close."

"He's being wonderful, Nick. I don't know what I would have done without him. And you, of course."

"No need to tell me. But you might want to mention it to him once in a while."

"Don't worry, I already have."

"Wow, you're at that stage already, are you? Didn't he get all awkward at emotional stuff like that?"

"He was lovely, actually," Sara replied pointedly, but with a smile on her face.

"You'll be able to compete with his bugs soon."

Sara laughed; it was a welcome sound to both herself and Nick. Nick stood and moved over to the door to call Grissom back in. Before he reached it he turned around one last time.

"Can I be Godfather?"


	13. Chapter Twelve

_I was planning to go on a little longer than this, but the story seemed to naturally draw itself to a close. At least there will be no more waiting for updates…until my next story! I hope you like the fluff; it's not usually my 'thing' but I felt this story needed some after so many chapters of angst and trauma!_

_I hope you enjoyed it._

_Em x

* * *

_

Sara sat on her sofa, feet up on the table in front of her, attempting not to fall asleep. It was quite a struggle; everything was exhausting her. She had been back at work for a few weeks and was on the road to recovery. She hugely appreciated the support she was getting from everyone but somehow something still was not quite right inside. But the one thing that always kept her going was still there. She placed a hand over her stomach and cherished the feeling of knowing there was a life growing inside her. The doorbell aroused her from her dreamlike state and she went to open it. There on the doorstep was Grissom. She embraced him.

"I missed you," he murmured into her hair.

She pulled away with a smile on her face. "I only saw you a few hours ago, Griss."

"Far too long."

Sara laughed and stepped aside to let him in. They made their way through to the living room and Sara flopped down onto the sofa once more.

"You look exhausted," Grissom said, his eyes narrowing with concern. "Have you had enough sleep?"

"I used to go days without proper sleep, Grissom," she replied, trying to laugh off his concerns. She was shattered but she knew her own body; she was not worried and she did not want Grissom to be.

"There are two of you to worry about now, Sara. I want you to take it easy. Maybe you should have the night off."

"I can't keep taking time off every time I feel tired, Grissom. I'm only two months pregnant; there's a long way to go yet."

"I know, but-"

"But nothing. The Dr. in front of your name doesn't give you medical training."

Grissom could not help a smile gracing his lips; if her stubbornness was anything to go by then Sara was right, she wasn't ill, just tired. He sat himself down on the sofa beside her and placed an arm carefully around her shoulders. She gently rested her head on his shoulder. "What would I do without you?" she spoke softly.

"Without my over protectiveness and constant fussing, you mean?" he replied, a glint in his eye.

"Without all of that, and your bugs and your weird experiments and your strange comments that no one can decipher…"

"Hey, hey," Grissom interrupted. "I think this started off as a compliment."

"I love you." The minute the words were out of Sara's mouth she wished she had not said them. She did not want to move too fast; to make Grissom feel trapped. "I'm sorry," she blurted, and then wished she had not said that either.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I- Well- You-"

"Did you mean it?"

"About being sorry?"

"About loving me."

"That depends."

"How can it depend, Sara?" Grissom's face was grave yet caring.

"It depends on your reaction."

"In that case, say it again."

"What?"

"Just say it."

"I love you."

Immediately, Grissom pressed his lips to her. The kiss was tender, all enveloping. Sara felt like she might just disappear into him. He pulled away all too soon.

"Was that the right reaction?" he asked, bashful. Sara wondered how he could kiss her like that and then be shy about it. She could only stare into his eyes. "I'll take that as a yes. I love you too, Sara."

Sara felt a pressure in her chest, a shortness of breath. She had dreamt of hearing those words; this all just felt like a figment of her imagination. She continued to stare into those beautiful eyes. "Really?" she managed to stutter.

"Really."

"But-"

"Sara, don't ruin the moment," Grissom laughed. He gently pulled her body towards his, so her head was once more resting on his shoulder. "I love you. And I love this little one." He placed his hand upon her stomach; the bump was not yet showing but he could notice that his previously stick-thin Sara had put on some weight.

"Pinch me," Sara sighed, after a couple of minutes of relaxed silence. "Prove to me this is real."

"I would," Grissom replied. "But I don't want to hurt you."

"That's a pathetic excuse."

"But true."

Sara giggled; the sound was girly, happy, relaxed. It was a side of Sara that no one saw very often and Grissom felt privileged, especially when he considered what Sara had been through in the past few months to make her anything other than happy and relaxed.

"We should go, Griss."

"Go where?"

"Work?" Sara laughed, amazed at how quickly Grissom seemed to be able to forget what she had previously viewed as the centre of his life.

"We don't have to."

"How did you reach that conclusion?"

"I haven't taken a day off for more than a year."

"Well I have more than made up for your overtime in the last few weeks."

"Just one night?"

Sara pulled away from him and stood up.

"Nope. We're going." She turned to look at his protesting face. "Anyway, if you don't turn up soon, your bugs will start to think you're having an affair."

Grissom stood up. "They'd be right." And he pulled Sara in for one more kiss.

* * *

"You two were looking pretty close," Catherine grinned as Grissom left her and Sara behind staring quite disinterestedly at a computer screen.

Sara smiled. "Yes."

Catherine pulled her eyes away from the screen and focused them on Sara. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Yes, we were looking close."

"Come on, Sara. Don't leave me hanging. Tell all."

"There's not much to tell."

"Oh yeah?"

"No, really. He's just been visiting a lot. He's a great support."

"And…"

"And…we're in love." Sara realised how corny the words sounded blurted out like that; like a bad romantic movie. But they seemed to have the desired effect on Catherine.

"Oh my God! Grissom told you he loved you?"

"Yes," Sara replied nervously, slightly unnerved by Catherine's excitement.

"I don't think Grissom has ever told anyone that in his life, Sara. This is serious."

"What's serious?"

The two women turned around to see Greg in the doorway. He observed the scene, the two women completely ignoring their work, huddled together like gossiping teenagers. Sara's face was blushed red; Catherine's was bright with excitement.

"I think I better go buy a hat," she announced.

"What?" Greg queried, deeply confused.

"We could be about to see our first CSI wedding."

"Excuse me?" Greg still looked confused. Then suddenly it dawned on him. "Sara – you're getting married!" He stopped. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"Grissom," Catherine replied on Sara's behalf, seemingly amazed at his inability to spot the obvious.

"Grissom?" Greg seemed surprised.

"What about Grissom?" Warrick entered the room, closely followed by Nick who held out a file, clearly about to ask a question, oblivious to the excitement in the room.

"Sara and Grissom are getting married!" Greg cried out.

"Really?" Warrick started. "That's…weird; but great. Congratulations."

"Uh, guys-" Sara began, but before she could continue Nick had thrown himself on her.

"That's so amazing, Sara. I'm so happy for you," he said, sounding dangerously close to tears. "I knew you guys were going to make it."

"Is something wrong?" Grissom's voice stopped everyone mid-excited-sentence. He looked concernedly at Sara, surrounded by the team, her face deep crimson.

Nick detached himself from Sara and rushed up to Grissom. He threw his arms around him. "Griss, we heard the news. It's so great!" The look on Grissom's face was pure panic. Sara could not help but laugh as she struggled to get everyone's attention.

"Hey, guys!" she cried out, and managed to get their eyes on her. "As I was trying to say – we're not getting married."

"What?" Nick yelled, immediately seperating himself from Grissom. "How can you do this to me, you two?"

"I think everyone got a bit carried away." Sara glanced at Grissom and, observing the look of utter confusion and panic on his face, burst out laughing. She made her way over to him and wrapped an arm around him. Turning to face the team, who all appeared baffled, she went on. "Grissom and I are not getting married. It's a bit soon. We're very happy as we are – aren't we?" Grissom nodded slowly, still coming to terms with getting engaged and then breaking off the engagement in a matter of seconds.

As everyone joined the laughter and Grissom became aware of his surroundings enough to embrace Sara, she tried to track her journey from living hell to about as close to heaven as she thought she was ever going to get. She soon gave up. She realised that how she got there did not matter, it was where she ended up that counted. And she could not think of anywhere she would rather be.


End file.
